1. Last night on Jeopardy had two clues I enjoyed - one about the Titanic, and one about the 1520s Peasants War in Germany. I'd like to thank my Luther and His Legacy course in college for teaching me about that war.

2. It was wonderfully cool this morning, around 40*F with a constant wind. I slept with my window open to get the most of this nice weather, then I had a refreshing walk with Zlata.

3. I'm making a new "craftspo" binder. I used to have one but I think I gave it to Kristen in August when I "left". Now I need one again. I have sections for techniques (different stitches and stringings), pictures of pieces I like, and actual projects with step-by-steps. Some blank pages will be inside to let me tape pictures I cut out of magazines and such. This time I will have sections for cards, jewellery, and maybe for miscellaneous crafts. I dabble in a wide variety of things.

4. @buddy71 sent me a "sweet" gift today - two packages of Ghirardelli chocolate! Mint and raspberry. Thank you!

5. 25% off orders of $10 or more until Monday night! Use code "25OFF" at checkout. Click here to go to my Etsy store.

6. My sister doesn't want to go to the Titanic exhibit in Cleveland on my birthday weekend, so I'm just going to cancel the whole idea. I'll go some other time with Thatslifekid. It's okay. I'm only turning 24 (very dull number) and I've accomplished nothing at all in this last year to be rewarding or deserving of any sort of celebration or gift. I just don't care. I'll be fine with my Indian dinner out with family and that'll be it. I won't set out to make plans or ask anyone to go out with me. I just want it to pass by unnoticed.

7. I missed out on Kristen's surprise party tonight. I didn't want to be heading out to a bar at 8:45pm. And even if I had gone, I would have been terribly bored since I'm, as always, the odd person out because I'm not in their already-tight circle of friends. Meh. I'll hang out with Kristen at another time and give her her gift.

Yesterday there was a congregational meeting after the second service. I had to be there since we were going over ministry annual reports, and I'm considered the main (of three) chairwoman for my ministry (Fellowship, where we plan and organise fun events). One segment of the annual report was about the Personnel Committee... the group responsible for hiring the new secretary. So the council president talked about the new woman, Shelley. Susan had an interesting tidbit to share with me about Shelley.

I guess it was last Thursday when I was chatting with Susan for awhile about various church matters and people we know. I have yet to introduce myself to Shelley; I know it's immature, but at the time I was still immensely angry and bitter about not being hired for her position. Apparently after I left the church, Shelley went to Susan's office and asked if the young woman who had left (me) was Marica. Susan said yes, and Shelley said that she was so sorry for getting the job over me. I don't know how much Shelley knows about me, my application to that job, or how I took it; I'm guessing Sherry, the remaining other secretary, must've told her during her training and Sherry knows me decently well. After all, she had been wanting me to be her coworker. Anyway, so Shelley said that she felt bad for being the chosen candidate, and that if she knew that the position would become full-time (it never will because our church is incredibly dumb) then she would leave with Sherry in December and give me the full position. She really wants to meet me. For her to feel that way... holy crap. Some bad stuff must've been said about this whole thing, if she feels this way.

I had such an insane night on Saturday night (I can't get into it, even in a Protected Post), so to hear this on Sunday afternoon had me mentally spinning in my head again. 

My bitterness to the job going to Shelley is going away... not quite there, but it'll go away completely someday. She was chosen for a reason, and I think she'll fill the position well. Congrats to Shelley, sincerely. Hopefully I get my break and my happiness soon. And yeah, I should meet her; I will be emailing her nearly every week with news of events for the Sunday bulletins and I stop by the church semi-regularly during her office hours. But I just can't talk to her about a lot of things within the church walls. My application to the position, my depression, what angers and frustrates me about this church, etc. Even now, as I think about those things, I struggle to keep my tears, screams, sobs, and wavering voice from escaping me in an outwardly noticeable way. It's a lot of emotion and feelings that I keep bottled up inside me. I haven't talked to anyone about any of those things, so it would be incredibly tough to do. Perhaps because she's a stranger it would be easier. Maybe if I talk to her privately about all this, I will begin to heal and feel better.

To escape my thoughts, I'll now go back to listening to "Lyin' Eyes" and "One of these Nights" by The Eagles on repeat.